The Law of Threes: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man in possession of a single patty, must be in want of two more patties.
The origin of the Law of Threes is shrouded in mystery, though it is believed by many to have been created by a butcher from Steventon, Hampshire, England. Legend has it that business was poor sometime between the years of 1811 and 1815; the butcher, understanding the power of mass marketing, wrote that very law on a sign in front of his store. Instead of upping his business three-fold, some bitch ended up stealing his slogan, made it about love, and used it as the first line in some crappy book she was writing at the time. Many believe she was a militant vegan.
I've lived my life by the Law of Threes. Whenever given the chance, I'll fork over the extra cash to up the meat-count of my burgers by three. I know that I am making the ghost of that poor butcher proud each time I say "Let's up those patties a bit, eh?" to the pimply-faced thirteen-year-old with braces behind the cash.
More recently, I've been barbecuing like mad. Of course, the Law of Threes is a welcome member of my family. It is a member who ensures the Law is never broken by me in my home, and I do well by it:
Abso-fucking-lutely.
Of course, the Law of Threes is versatile; it can also be applied to chicken (what can't it do?!):
Too much green, arguably.
I'd just like to thank that ye olde English butcher for making my life as ultra as it is. I'd also like to flip off vegans everywhere, but my hands are too busy holding this three-storey burger I have here. And typing - I'm also doing that. Right.