We here at quantity over quality would like to welcome Foreign Mike back to his (almost) home land. Having visited Europe and, in doing so, tasted all there is to taste, Ex-Foreign Mike has discovered that quality does indeed trump quantity among those who live across the Atlantic from us.
As a result of this frightening discovery, we've come to the conclusion that Europe must be a horrible and decidedly unfunny place to live - a land plagued with fancy and beautiful foods, each crafted with skilled hands and blatant expertise. Any given portion, tiny and wrought with flavour and beautifully crafted chocolate swirls, is eaten with tiny forks between drags from long and skinny cigarettes whilst the patrons, each wearing crisp berets cocked to one side, declare "Mon Dieu! Cette nourriture est délicieuse et petite!"
We're glad that Local Mike has returned, only slightly scathed by the works of art they call food. It is our intent to reintroduce Native Mike to North American food over the holidays. The salty, artifically flavoured and coloured greaseballs we call grub awaits eagerly its destiny held within his long-denied digestive tract.
Welcome back, Ordinary Mike. It's time to make you funny eat again.